mindfulness (and trying not to suck at it)

feeding my fire

today when i woke up a thought popped into my head – not a typical morning thought like “i’m hungry”, or “i have to pee” – it was something Thích Nhất Hanh said in this book, about the benefits of practicing a full day of mindfulness once a week.

so i said to myself – okay then, today’s day. let’s do this.

 

i got out of bed thinking; i’m getting out of bed. i put on my pj pants and slippers thinking; i’m putting on my pjs and slippers.

i went into the bathroom. i brushed my teeth, washed my face, and massaged oil into my skin. as i went about each thing i tried my best not to let my mind wander, or get eager about the next thing (breakfast!)

i completely bollocksed breakfast.

my partner made me toast, but i was eager to get cleaning, so i thoughtlessly ate standing up, while busily moving and shuffling things about. not at all thinking about the fact that i was eating my first meal of the day. not really enjoying the taste of it either. (which was the thing that i was so excited about while i was trying to be present for the other thing! madness.)

but AFTER breakfast, i washed the dishes. and as i washed dishes i thought; i am washing dishes. (i’ve grown to love washing dishes, so this was not so hard.)

then i decided to soak my feet. i was really good about being mindful as i filled the tub with water, and as i added the epsom salts and then the lavender oil. but as i sat there soaking, i started reflecting on things…. checking in…. zooming out…. getting a sense of the landscape of my life, as it is right now. and then i really went off, wandering through the terrain of goals and dreams, futures, pasts, and so on.

i’ve recently discovered – thanks to a friend and this astrologer – that i’m extremely plutonian/neptunian by nature. i like to wade out into the depths, and hang out in the realm of the unknown and abstraction.

(good lord, i really do.)

but i’ve always been a fan of routines, guidelines, methods, organization, discipline, and the like. and, at the same time, i question and hate on these things mercilessly. “free spirits don’t need routines and rules and all the crap!” i think to myself. but now i think maybe i’ve been drawn to routines because i know, on an instinctual level, that i need them in order to stay balanced. (because instincts are smart like that.)

after my foot soak i remembered mindfulness, and something one of my favorite witches suggested doing today – to wash the stove top (a literal, physical place of alchemy), and sweep the floor with sea salt.

so i washed the stove top, and thought; i am washing the stove top.

and then i sprinkled sea salt all over the floor, thinking; i am spreading sea salt. (and isn’t Venus/Ishtar/Oshun juiced about this!)

as i swept the floor i thought; i am sweeping the floor.

we went down to our music studio to begin demo’ing some new songs. and the whole time i thought; i am here, being in the process of demo’ing a song. and it went very smoothly. (which is not always the case. because the process can be so tedious. and i have no patience.)

as my partner was making lunch i thought; look at my cute lovely over there making lunch.

in the afternoon we went outside to enjoy the sunshine and listen to the birds. as i laid there, swinging in the hammock i thought; here i am, swinging in a hammock.

i drifted in and out of mindfulness as we chatted about all kinds of things. eventually our conversation turned toward concepts of perception, the power of thoughts, and mindfulness.

and as we sat there talking i thought; how interesting that we’re talking about thoughts and mindfulness.

in the evening we returned to the music studio to continue recording. and i thought to myself; here i am with my babe, recording our music.

and it was nice.

 

happy easter,

s

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4 thoughts on “mindfulness (and trying not to suck at it)

  1. That sounds like such a lovely day!! I wish I could say the same! I spent way too much time on the computer yesterday reading about the election and all the stuff that’s been going on for the last 8 years while I wasn’t paying attention. So I woke up thinking this will be a day of self-care, then i read this and i will do mindfulness as well 😉 Thank you sweetface, love your collage!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. aw yay! you’re welcome 🙂 i know what you mean – sometimes whole days pass by and i realize i’ve spent it all online, reading who knows what 😉 thanks for the comment!

      Like

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